Poker One Linners....

Hey,


Just wondering what you guys have heard/said at the poker table that was good for a laugh, or in response to a loudmouth or just to give someone a hard time.


MisFit

a friend of mine who is a long time player and winner claims he is bulletproof. he never shows any emotion, laughs it up w/ the fish, and always seems sincere.


When his AA gets cracked by some rag job, 97o after a K54 flop, my buddy asks, in a very sincere voice:


"sir, did you SEE the flop?" with a laugh. They were laughing all day, and I thought that was a clever line.


Josh

I played at Harvey's in Tahoe once and was sitting at a full table with a couple college aged guys that obviously didn't know too much about Hold Em'.


My 3rd hand in this guy is raising and reraising me after I flop a nut heart flush because he has the 10h, and I assume thinks that's enough to win the hand. Who knows...


Anyway, after he had donated his entire rack - all but $2 (in about 40 minutes) and gets up and leaves the old timer sitting next to him who hadn't uttered a peep in over an hour says,


"I sure hope that kid takes that $2 over to a slot machine and wins $500 and brings it back over here...".


The whole table erupted - it was hilarious.

"in response to a loudmouth"


It was at LC's or AJ's, doesn't matter which except that they rank one and two as the friendliest poker rooms I've ever seen, and that the players and house kinda take pride in the generally good vibes.


There was a big tournament in Los Angeles that week, and a couple or our guys had just got back, so we were chit-chatting about the tourny, and about LA games in general, and the talk drifted as it so often does to the attrociously bad behavior that constantly gets reported back to us up here about the folks down there.


That talk died down. Soon after, a new guy gets in the game. No one had seen him before. White guy with a dark countenance. Right away, he snaps at the waitress, calls her something not nice after she walks away. Then he loses yer basic smallish normal pot and ZING go the card toward the dealer's chip rack. Next time, same thing, with some mumbled comments toward the winner.


No had said a word to him yet. So, y'know, as something like a welcoming committee, I thought I should try to make him feel a bit better and maybe talk to him a little. (Translation: It's time to use the sourpuss to entertain my buddies.)


I asked, "Are you from LA?"


His eyes lit up and he got all happy all of a sudden when he replied, "YES! I AM!"


Tommy

Tommy,


Good story. Do you think LA people are this way by nature (or as part of their culture) or do you think they behave this way because cardroom management down here lets them get away with it?


Regards,


Rick


PS The answer could be a bit of both I guess.

From you, isn't that kind of a loaded question? =)

I never say anything at the card table pertinent to play, but this one time I couldn't resist. At a shorthanded table I kept raising to isolate this guy who kept calling with crap. I'd show down any hand that was remotely decent, and I was winning virtually every hand. The whole time he kept berating me about how I could raise with the hands I did. Sometimes I'd get lucky and suck out on his better hands, and then he'd really go off. Finally, after having taken most of his stack, I raised him with AT and beat his A9 and he says "NOT THAT STRONG". I just said "strong enough apparently". He says "WHAT?" and I just went back to my silent style. He never caught on, and I never changed my style. The next day I did it to him again.

"Do you think LA people are this way by nature (or as part of their culture)or do you think they behave this way because cardroom management down here lets them get away with it?"


I think that most players can and will go either way. Picture two poker environments, one in which no one ever snaps at the dealer, or other players, or belittles anyone, and another place in which those actions are commonplace. Insert Joe poker player. His behavior will eventually be largely influenced by his surroundings.


In that sense, I think culture looms larger than hardwiring; that nurture outweighs nature. And that therefore, management plays a huge role in the resultant vibe of a room by having the power to unconditionally protect their dealers and give bad boys the boot.


Tommy

"I asked, "Are you from LA?"


i got asked this at AJ's when i was there playing 15 tommy. i wasnt being rude, just cautious cause im broke you know and playing scared. i took a shot at a pot with some aggressive (for that incredibly soft game) bluff turn check-raise or something and that's when they asked. they laughed like they thought they were being really cute. i just laughed along with them and decided to not waste anymore sophisticated moves on them. it was smooth sailing from that point on.


i didnt say anything but i was thinking, "gee i thought the games in LA were ultra-loose with awful players but this place is INCREDIBLE!"


cant wait to get up there again.

Back when I first started out playing, it was a .25-.50 no limit hold em home game with some of my buddies. It was a common joke between us that if you lost a big pot you "got your ass ripped"


Well one day I took down a huge pot from one of the guys who just so happened to be the one who always went on tilt (it was funny as hell). Well, before I showed him my cards I said "your ass is gonna be as big as the grand canyon"


Ryan

i have to agree. i know some wonderful people in LA, and i met some of them at the cardroom. they're not ALL jerks. but too many of them don't know any better, because the management doesn't put a stop to the rude behavior.

So I'm playing in a home game a few months ago. We are just playing 4-8, and taking one $2 chip out of every pot, and forming a 'high hand' jackpot. Whoever has the highest hand at 3:00 will win the jackpot, which has grown to about $135.


Joseph currently has the high hand of the day, Queens full of eights. He's been running over the table, frequently asking his victims "who's yer daddy?". Its all in good fun. The beer is flowing, the table is lighthearted, and we're all taking and giving a good natured ribbing.


Now, Joseph asks "what time is it?" It's 2:56, so he's happy, and says "I guess i just need to stall for 4 more minutes, and I'm all of yer daddies". ha ha ha. Funny stuff.


It's my blind. Folded to Joseph who raises. I call with 22. Flop comes K22. Now, there is a caveat, the jackpot winner needs to be shown down at the river. Thus, I'm afraid to bet. I check, Joseph checks. Turn is a blank. Check, check. Before the river comes, I say:


"I check blind, because I'm confused". Joseph checks also and says "why?". I replied with a quick "who is YOUR daddy?". I show, he drops his beer, and just dies. We are all laughing, high fiving, and Joseph just wants to die. Priceless fun. You shoulda been there.


Josh

"Put a sock in it, crybaby."

This one is mean.


I was watching one of my friends play in a 2-4 HE game one night, and he was sitting to the right of a player that was very filthy (literally, he had dirt all over him) in appearance. Nobody at the table seemed to enjoy his company, his many comments, and especially his luck that night as he had won many pots with horrible holdings.


Well anyways my friend folds, and this guy leans over, shows him 7-2o as he raises, and says, "Heh heh, I'm trying something new."


My friend turns the other way and whispers out loud to half the table, "What's that, brushing your teeth?"


Somehow (and luckily) the guy didn't hear him say it, but half the table did.

23c sucks out a runner runner flush after calling 3 bets before the flop, and calling another 3 or 4 ON the flop with bottom pair no kicker and one club. (the odds on the turn made the second call a no-brainer, but the first was highly questionable).


He bets the river and after I make a crying call with top set says: Very small clubs. I respond with: Very small brain, too! He got a kick out of it and tossed me a chip. I tossed it back later on after a set of kings held up, as he needed that chip badly at that point.


"Right now I'm trying to manufacture a rush, and I don't recommend this play." - Josh W after limping in MP with 57s.


One I heard describing a friend of mine was: "You're tighter than an ant's pussy!" Followed by a visual demonstration of trying to fit something in something really small.


I played at the Excalibur once in LV, a micro-limit game with some friends, where you get to spin a wheel if you get aces or kings cracked and go to showdown. Well, there was a dealer who would loudly announce, each time he saw a player striding toward the wheel, "That's what happens when you play them like a pussy!" Good dealer.


There's one I read on here or RGP about an asshole burning through a wad of cash held together with a rubber band, and someone asked him if they could use the rubber band when he was done with it, after it only had a few bills left in it.


I've heard a dealer say: 5 plays! a couple times. Very odd circumstances (quads with a 2 on the board, and it getting checked around or something (55 vs. 44 once).


In tournaments I hear: REBUY! a whole lot. Sounds funny usually if it's been going for only a few seconds at the time.


"No." - followed by shoving your cards directly into the muck (you need to have fairly long arms) after someone sucks out on you and says: "I want to see that hand." Like... It was heads up from the flop on, who in the FUCK was I colluding with???


"Can I get a new dealer on 21?"


After getting a bluff called on the river, and the opponent looks at you like you're from Mars after showing it down, it's nice to resond with: "I had to bet my 8 high for value."


~D

I'm sitting with a friend playing hold'em and a guy sits down with two racks. After about 20 minutes he is up about half a rack. He and my friend are heads up on the flop of [222]. My friend, who was the BB bets and this guy raises very quickly. They were siting in seats three and seven and my friend stares him down across the table for a few seconds and exclaims "He's bluffing!" They capped it every single round with a five raise maximum and after the last raise was in the pot my friend turns over A2s and asks the guy very politely "What the hell do you think you have, anyway?" It was the funniest thing I've seen. It was so damn funny that nobody laughed . . . they just stared at this guy wondering if he would answer! He ran through over two racks in one hand and walked away.

I wish I could say it was slander....but I now distinctly remember doing such things back when I thought that tilt was cool. It's not.

I was the guy that was called 'tighter than an ant pussy', and the guy demonstrated this by pushing his index finger into his balled up fist. He was a cool guy. But you gotta understand, this was during Omaha, where I see a flop once every year or so.