Jokes to keep ya smiling (OT)

[thomastem]

Joke 1. A guy is building a house and buys exactly all the supplies he needs. When he is done he finds he still has a brick left. He angrily takes the brick and throws it in the air really hard.

Joke 2. Medical Science has found cures for lots of ailments but not pre-mature ejaculation...though I hear that is coming soon.

Joke 3. A guy was born with only his head. The first time we walked in a bar and had a beer body parts started growing. He kept drinking but on the 4th he blew up all over the bar. The moral is to quit while you're a head.

Joke 4. An old lady with a dog is sitting next to a guy smoking a cigar on a plane. Everytime the guy takes a puff the dog barks. Finally the lady asks him to get rid of his cigar and the tells her he will throw the cigar away if she throws the dog out the window.

She agree and throws the dog out the plane window at 25K feet but secretly holds on to the leash. The guy shrugs and throws the cigar out the window. The lady pulls her dog back in but guess what the dog had in it's mouth.

Answer: <font color="white"> The brick </font>

[elwoodblues]

This joke doesn't work in writing. The best way to deliver it (in my opinion) is

"he throws the brick as high as he can and it just keeps going up, it becomes a little dot in the sky and, oh sh*t I forgot the punchline. I've got another one..." (go to joke 5)

[Byrn]

That was amusing. I spent a minute or so trying to figure out #1 before I just gave up - then of course I got to 2,3 and 4. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[thomastem]

Perhaps the chuckle comes from imagining the look on your friends faces after telling these.

As for bringing off #1 I found the best is to have a hour between telling it then giving the conclusion.

Either way I hope you guys like the diversion.

[Geo]

Ty thomastem

Dont ask me why but I read #1 and I was crying with laughter, the wife thinks I am cracking up

[rory]

A good way to do your #1 joke is to make the joke really really long by giving lots of extraneous details. Then that's it, don't tell another joke.

Then a few months later, do the same thing with the other story, going on and on until they get exasperated, knowing you are doing the same thing again. Then you drop the brick punchline on them.

[thomastem]

[ QUOTE ]
A good way to do your #1 joke is to make the joke really really long by giving lots of extraneous details. Then that's it, don't tell another joke.

Then a few months later, do the same thing with the other story, going on and on until they get exasperated, knowing you are doing the same thing again. Then you drop the brick punchline on them.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is good but all my friends are critters. Goats, sheep, possum, Bison in Heat, Phil the cross dressing cow, a Pelican and a buzzard. Anything over an hour and they forget completely.

How would you suggest telling this joke to a goat?

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
How would you suggest telling this joke to a goat?

[/ QUOTE ]

Use a lot of small words.

Great joke, though. Interesting humor vehicle that I haven't yet seen.

~D

[Dilbert]

Is it necessary to post your jokes in both the NV&amp;G and Internet forums? You keep doing that.

Only spammers simul-post in multiple forums.

[BrettK]

I heard a minister tell a similar joke once. He told the first part, and then talked about how he's not very good at telling jokes when no one laughed at the 'punch line'. Near the end of the sermon, he told another story, but completely seriously this time, and it ended with the real punch line. It was hilarious, and the only time I've ever walked out of a church feeling like I'd learned something.

Brett