PDA

View Full Version : Best "Advice" ever given to you at the table


Acesover8s
08-14-2004, 11:50 PM
I'm sure everyone has had their share of table coaches, what's the funniest advice ever given to you at a table regarding the play of a hand?

B Dids
08-15-2004, 12:13 AM
Not really coaching, but I thought it was sound advice...

"Whatever man, u suck, u folded for one raise when you were in the big blind, everybody knows you should never do that. You call with anything there, even 72o"

Monty Cantsin
08-15-2004, 12:27 AM
[ QUOTE ]
"Whatever man, u suck, u folded for one raise when you were in the big blind, everybody knows you should never do that. You call with anything there, even 72o"

[/ QUOTE ]

Must have been Kaz the Original.

/mc

deaders
08-15-2004, 01:54 AM
I min-raised on the button with something like 78s and UTG re-raised about 8x the BB. After I folded some expert berated me saying "I cant believe you would raise then fold to a re-raise". Of course the expert had called the reraise and lost to UTGs AA.

Acesover8s
08-15-2004, 02:16 AM
Mine came recently:

Playing at a local B&M, my buddy from my home game comes over from a smaller game to tell me he just won a huge pot, making a full house with 27soooooted. I jokinly said, "In the Big Blind, right?"

He said, "No, on the button, but there were like 5 limpers so I had the pot odds to call."

JTrout
08-15-2004, 03:27 AM
"I'm playing any 3 I get. They're hitting the board almost every hand."

TaxGoddess
08-15-2004, 03:34 AM
<font color="blue"> "Maybe if you flashed us your jugs you'd get more action." </font>

I must say that I was in rock mode, so he had a point, but still... /images/graemlins/blush.gif

M2d
08-15-2004, 04:08 AM
perhaps if you posted a pic and set up a poll, this board could decide on the validity of that advice. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

TaxGoddess
08-15-2004, 06:12 AM
I would have to clear that with my husband on here first /images/graemlins/wink.gif

Alobar
08-15-2004, 10:38 AM
shouldnt someone with "Godess" in her name, be a little less concerned with what her husband thinks....whipped!!! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

codewarrior
08-15-2004, 12:24 PM
No, just ruined her for all other men... /images/graemlins/cool.gif

MikeGuz
08-15-2004, 12:50 PM
Played with a guy not long ago - one of the worst players I have ever seen and that is saying a lot. He said he likes AQ better than AK because it wins more I am sure he meant it.

DUH!!! Of course I agreed with him.

Thank goodness casinos don't requier a min. IQ to play poker.

codewarrior
08-15-2004, 12:53 PM
"How can you not play 5-10? You can make every straight with it..." /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

BottlesOf
08-15-2004, 01:34 PM
Not a 9 high straight.

codewarrior
08-15-2004, 01:42 PM
9-8-7-6-5? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

Acesover8s
08-15-2004, 01:47 PM
since you have to play the ten, on a board of 6789x you will always have a 10 high straight.

BottlesOf
08-15-2004, 01:49 PM
10

codewarrior
08-15-2004, 01:51 PM
Your point is what exactly, we aren't playing Omaha. Every possible straight contains a 5 or a 10. That wasn't the point of my post, anyway...

BottlesOf
08-15-2004, 01:54 PM
Well your original post (and we understand it was said tounge-in-cheek) said specifically that T5 could make every straight--not that all straights have a T or 5 in them. I merely pointed out that T5 could not make a 9-high straight, which is true.

I only recently learned this myself, and I am so much better for it /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

codewarrior
08-15-2004, 01:56 PM
Point taken. /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

Although, technically, a 9-high straight is not "possible" if you hold 5-10, therefore 5-10 does indeed make every possible straight; but we digress from the topic of my wife's breasts, which as Manfred Mann's Earth Band said, "That's where the fun is..." (Blinded by the light) /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Fitz
08-15-2004, 05:23 PM
Saw a 3 bet pre flop with KQs; flop came K K Q. 3 bettor had pocket Queens. At show down, he screams, "You flopped the stone f-ing nuts; how the f could you play a hand like that?!!!".

Good luck all,

Fitz

oddjob
08-15-2004, 06:30 PM
sometimes you have to draw to runner runner

goofball
08-15-2004, 08:06 PM
always play Q7o. whatever the flop you'll be in there with some kind of draw

Acesover8s
08-15-2004, 09:09 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Although, technically, a 9-high straight is not "possible" if you hold 5-10, therefore 5-10 does indeed make every possible straight;

[/ QUOTE ]

This reads like something out of Hitchhiker's Guide or perhaps a real estate scam. Do you see why?

The Ocho
08-16-2004, 01:31 AM
Said to me simulataneously by 9 sweaty, middle aged men:

"WTF you doing?! You shoulda folded man!"

My reply: "I had the nuts!"

Them: "So what?!"

This was after I called a wicked hot lady's all-in on the river. Naturally, I busted her. She immediately left the table, never to return. It was the hardest call I ever had to make. I'm still not sure the money was worth it.

Sponger15SB
08-16-2004, 01:37 AM
i'd bust her with my nuts.

oooo yeaaaaa

Andy 1
Dignity 0

Mason Malmuth
08-16-2004, 02:29 AM
Hi acesover8s:

This wasn't exactly advice, but I remember when I first started playing in Gardena well over 20 years ago an oldtimer explained to me how chips were made. He said they took old cheese that had gotten real hard, punched holes in it, and then painted the designs and money amounts on them. At the time, I had no reason to dispute this.

Best wishes,
Mason

nicky g
08-16-2004, 06:39 AM
Playing PLO, some guy berated me for about half an hours for having bet the flop and turn (all-in) with unimproved pocket aces and won (hen flopped a 8-out straight draw that missed), insisting that he had "made a fortune" calling down every bet on every street with rags against what he thought were pocket aces. He seemed to genuinely think that you should call (not raise) with with no pair no draw on the turn because you "know they have aces" and that I was a moron because "this isn't holde'em". /images/graemlins/confused.gif

jedi
08-16-2004, 03:02 PM
[ QUOTE ]
Said to me simulataneously by 9 sweaty, middle aged men:

"WTF you doing?! You shoulda folded man!"

My reply: "I had the nuts!"

Them: "So what?!"

This was after I called a wicked hot lady's all-in on the river. Naturally, I busted her. She immediately left the table, never to return. It was the hardest call I ever had to make. I'm still not sure the money was worth it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Run to the nearest magazine rack and use your winnings to buy them 9 Playboys. Hopefully that will calm them down.

charlie_t_jr
08-16-2004, 04:46 PM
This past Saturday night, 4/8 game in Tunica. I limp in LP with 87s, after a few limpers. Make a str8 and split with a MP player that held 87o. As the dealer was chopping the pot, I good-naturedly ribbed the guy, saying, at least mine were soooted.

Thats when the guy to my left, who has been dropping hints all night about his poker knowledge, says 87 off was a better hand because it could make TWO different flushes!

I ask him, you mean AK off is a better hand than AKs? According to this poker expert, when you look at the hand rankings the offsuit is better because ot the 2 flush potential!

Not surprisingly, he had to re-load a couple of times, and complained about his bad beats.

RocketManJames
08-16-2004, 04:57 PM
Long ago, when I was a total newbie... I was playing in a 3/6 at Ocean's 11, a guy noticed that I kinda didn't know how to play correctly. This must have been one of the first few times I ever played poker. I had just gotten a (not so good) book on it, and was just starting to apply what I had learned.

The guy said to me, "You think this game is easy? It's not. But, there's hope. I have a 5 year old nephew that plays hold'em. He doesn't understand the game at all, but boy can he play. He loves the game. What does that make my nephew? A genius, maybe?"

He pauses a few moments, and then blurts out, "No, he's broke."

And the table had a few good laughs.

-RMJ

CollegePlayer
08-17-2004, 08:43 AM
"Your eight inch penis is exposed to the table, sir."
--Dealer '98

midas
08-17-2004, 10:32 AM
The first time I ever played poker was 4-8 at the Bellagio and after sweating a table for about an hour - the regulars lured me in.

I sat down next to a college kid and the conversation went like this:

Kid: Ever played before?

Me: No - I usually play blackjack but I know the rules of poker.

Kid: My advice to you is very simple - play pocket aces and any 2 cards that in blackjack equal 20 or 21 - fold everything else.


Not bad

moondogg
08-17-2004, 10:37 AM
[ QUOTE ]
The first time I ever played poker was 4-8 at the Bellagio and after sweating a table for about an hour - the regulars lured me in.

I sat down next to a college kid and the conversation went like this:

Kid: Ever played before?

Me: No - I usually play blackjack but I know the rules of poker.

Kid: My advice to you is very simple - play pocket aces and any 2 cards that in blackjack equal 20 or 21 - fold everything else.


Not bad

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif He stole that from Ken Warren Teaches Texas Hold'em. Best damn paperweight I ever spent 30 buck on.

KingMarc
08-17-2004, 02:39 PM
My Ken Warren paperweight only cost $20. Go me!

moondogg
08-17-2004, 02:45 PM
[ QUOTE ]
My Ken Warren paperweight only cost $20. Go me!

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I was bluffing about the price. I have no idea what the price was on it, because I haven't looked at the damn thing since I forced my self to read it alway through.

bwana devil
08-17-2004, 04:41 PM
mine cost me $120!!

i paid $20 at the bookstore and another $100 at the casino.

Boylermaker
08-17-2004, 05:13 PM
Play any hand that's 'named' (i.e. Computer Hand, Motown, San Francisco Busboy, ad nauseum, ad infinitum...)

moondogg
08-17-2004, 05:16 PM
[ QUOTE ]
mine cost me $120!!

i paid $20 at the bookstore and another $100 at the casino.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Luckily, I had read a lot of other books first, and was just reading this one to "round out" my knowledge. Just kept thinking "holy sh*t, this is bizarre" through throughout the book.

TripleH68
08-17-2004, 06:36 PM
Best serious advice: "Always protect your hand."
Funniest advice: "Just keep playing those draws and I'll have all your money at the end of the night."

Sponger15SB
08-17-2004, 08:41 PM
some guy called me a table coach last night after this happened, the fucker....

this new guy sat down and it was obviously his first time, maaaaybe his 2nd. he was there like 2 orbits and this hand came up:

he raised preflop after 3 limpers, everyone folds, limpers call, then started shaking like crazy and looking terribly nervous. flop comes low cards, he is like staring people down as they check to him, then it goes bet - call, bet - call, bet - call. he seriously almost knocked over his chip stack every time he reached to bet, and it was just soooooo painfully obvious as to what he had, so after he won with aces, i was trying to be nice and said something like:

"just a word of advice, don't look so obvious next time"

and the guy just kinda gave me this "you f***" look, and a guy next to him was like "oh do you guys know eachother" "uh no we don't" "oh so you're just like his table coach or something"

i was seriously trying to be nice!

if i wanted to table coach him i would have told the beginning not to raise out of your big blind with TT and then bet into a huge field when a K flops.

mike l.
08-17-2004, 08:52 PM
"everyone has had their share of table coaches,"

this is funny but in a different way.

several years ago i played 21 counting cards for a very modest part time job. i was at the horseshoe in vegas and having played all night only to win a couple hundred bucks or something i saw some old men and stuff sitting in the poker room playing 4-8 hold em. i thought, gee that looks interesting maybe ill see what that game's about.

so it sit down and it's a full table a good game from what i recall. i have absolutely no clue what im doing so im sitting there playing every hand to the river. i make trips w/ bottom pair on the river a couple hands and win some pots and im laughing and an old man a couple seats away who is getting irritated by my senseless luck sneers and says "yeah keep playing every hand that way! you wont be laughing for long!" and i say "what do you mean?" another player looks at the guy angrily and says "leave him alone, no lessons at the table". and i say "no really i appreciate it, please tell me more." but that was all that was said.

see they thought i was being sarcastic when i asked for more info on how to play correctly, i could tell by their reaction. but in fact i was dead serious. and while in that first session i realised i loved the game, i also learned in that very first session that i was playing very incorrectly and that i would need to buy some books and study up just as i did w/ 21.

so that's exactly what i went and did. old man who gave me advice, if youre out there somewhere, thank you.

Bizarro George
08-18-2004, 11:57 AM
With aces, I had a guy call my UTG raise with a 73s. Of course he flopped a 7 and hit a 3 on the turn. When I politely inquired why he thought it was a good idea to call a raise with that hand he informed me if three other spades had hit on the flop, my bullets (and I really love it when someone can only refer to hands by their name) would be crap. Suited cards were always better than pocket pairs.

A few hands later on the big blind I had some garbage like 63o or something similar in an unraised pot and flopped two pair. Wound up beating another bright guy who had limped with aces. The earlier kid asks how can I complain about him when I play hands like that. I tried to point out he called two raises cold with nothing and I got a free play on the BB but he apparently didn't understand that. At that point I just gave up...

Second best advice, I flopped a set of aces only to lose to a flush on the river. I had bet on the river mainly out of frustration since it was obvious she was drawing to the flush but she just called. I asked her why she didn't raise me and she said "you don't want to get greedy."

moondogg
08-18-2004, 12:14 PM
Borgata $2/$4, New Years Eve

After running spades on the turn and river put a 3-flush on the board, the 50-something lady next to me who had been betting and calling the entire hand folded HU for a single bet, annoucing to the table "I can't call with the flush out there". Based on the play of the hand, if someone had a flush, I'll eat my hat.

When I 3-bet and 5-bet a drunken tourist (asked about going "all-in" when he sat down) on the river with JT on a board of AKQT5 (no flush), she scolded me because "you're just giving more money to them" (pointing to the rake pile). She gave me a dirty look when I mentioned that the max rake had already been capped on the turn.

Bizarro George
08-18-2004, 12:25 PM
You have to 3 and 5 bet drunken tourists even when it's obvious. At the Bellagio with a TJQK on the board (no flush) I saw two guys continually reraise each other until one guy's whole stack was in. The rest of the table is moaning since it's obvious they both have aces and it's taking forever. Needless to say, the guy with his whole stack in had a 9.

Big Country
08-18-2004, 03:52 PM
This past weekend at the Excalibur, had one lady that limped with anything preflop, and usually called a single raise with anything, often times playing any two cards under a ten.

later in the night she explained her rationale for this by saying that so many people only play high cards, that her odds were better to hit her hand by playing the lower cards. I didn't have the heart to correct her flawed thinking while I was stacking her chips... I guess it helped that the time I craked for for a lot of money (lot for 2-6 at least) was when she had pocket jacks and I got quad kings on the turn, and a board full house came out on the river.