Best SNL sketches

[ArchAngel71857]

My top 10:

1. Jingleheimer Junction (Cameron Diaz host)
2. Behind the Music, Blue Oyster Cult (Christopher Walken host)
3. Space: The Infinite Universe Jeff Goldblum host)
4. Inside the Actor's Studio (Alec Baldwin host)
5. Celebrity Jeopardy (all of them)
6. Japanese Game Show (Alec Baldwin host)
7. Phillip the Hyper Hypo (Nicole Kidman host)
8. Bill Brasky (John Goodman, or all of them)
9. Cheeseburger Cheeseburger (Robert Klein host)
10. Debates between Bush and Gore, Gore explaining his challenge to the election (don't know who was hosting).


hard to make a top ten. I pretty much like anything will ferrel did.

-AA

[TenPercenter]

Ten

[astroglide]

some of the tv funhouses have been hilarious (e.g. the rabbit killing himself). to wit some great sketches:

norm mcdonald and sylvester stallone in the car wreck

baldwin/elliot 'rookie cop' (everybody projectile vomits)

ferrell/gellar 'i drive a dodge stratus'

farley/morning latte 'over the weekend you stupid bitch'

farley folger's crystals

guy from the birdcage in the black and white vaudeville racist skit

generally norm and ferrell are my favorites.

[elwoodblues]

On one of the Christopher Walken episodes there was the "Colonel Angus" skit that just about had me crying I was laughing so hard. [transcript below]


[ QUOTE ]

Cast
Melinda.....Amy Poehler
Daddy.....Chris Parnell
Miss Anabelle.....Rachel Dratch
Farm Boy.....Jeff Richards
Bedelia.....Maya Rudolph
Colonel Angus.....Christopher Walken

[open on exterior, Civil War-era plantation home, as members of a Southern family sit on the porch and reflect. A banner above the eaves reads: "Welcome Home, Colonel Angus!" Due to their deep Southern drawls, the entire cast pronounces "Colonel Angus" as "Cunnilingus." ]

Melinda: [ sitting on the steps ] When's he gonna get here, Mama?

Miss Anabelle: [ setting on her rocker ] Anytime now, child.. be patient.

Melinda: Is he very handsome?

Miss Anabelle: [ chuckles ] He's been away at war so long, I don't rightly remember.

Melinda: Mama! Look! There's a carriage on the horizon!

Miss Anabelle: Oh? [ looking about ] Well, where, dear child?

Melinda: There! [ points ] Traveling down the road! Darting in and out of the cotton!

Miss Anabelle: Oh.. oh! Well, that must be the Colonel! Colonel Angus!

Melinda: [ excited ] Could it really be, Mama? Could it really be Colonel Angus?

Miss Anabelle: ..I don't know, uh.. We haven't seen Colonel Angus around these parts for years..

[ Daddy steps onto the porch, from inside the plantation ]

Daddy: Are you ladies out here talking about Colonel Angus?

Melinda: Yes, Daddy! I can't wait to meet him!

Daddy: Oh, watch out, Melinda! Once a woman is introduced to Colonel Angus, she'll settle for nothing less.

Melinda: Daddy, they say all the womenfolk just love Colonel Angus!

Daddy: Hmm.. I don't know why people make such a big fuss over Colonel Angus!

Miss Anabelle: I myself never much cared for Colonel Angus! He rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure why.. can't put my finger on it..

Daddy: Colonel Angus is an acquired taste! Bedelia!

[ Bedelia, the maid, comes running onto the porch ]

Bedelia: Yes, Sir?

Miss Anabelle: Break out some fresh linens, Bedilia! We're gonna have Colonel Angus here tonight!

Bedelia: Colonel Angus? I don't know nothin' about no Colonel Angus!

Daddy: Well, get ready, Bedelia. If I remember correctly, Colonel Angus can be very messy!

[ at last, Colonel Angus steps onto the porch ]

Daddy: As I live and breath! Colonel Angus!

Miss Anabelle: Oh, Colonel Angus! You old Carpetbagger!

Colonel Angus: Anabelle! I fear my visit.. is an inconvenience.

Miss Anabelle: [ laughing ] Nonsense, Colonel Angus! We're always happy to see your shiny face!

Daddy: Colonel Angus! What brings you to these parts?

Colonel Angus: I'm headed.. down South!

Daddy: Hmm. Of course!

Miss Anabelle: Uh.. how far south are you headed, Colonel Angus?

Colonel Angus: Ain't really sure. I prefer the Deep South.. I like the heat.. the humidity..

Daddy: Hmmm.. sir, I do not!

Colonel Angus: And who is this.. little rosebud?

Daddy: This is our daughter, Melinda.

Melinda: Colonel Angus. The pleasure is all mine. I've heard so much about you.

Colonel Angus: Well, my dear.. don't believe everything you hear.. about ol' Colonel Angus. Colonel Angus might be rough.. Colonel Angus might not smell like a bed of roses.. but, deep down.. Colonel Angus is very sweet.

Miss Anabelle: Well, we hope you'll spend the night with us.

Colonel Angus: Well, thank you, Miss Anabelle. And if I overstay my welcome.. just tap me on the head.

Melinda: I always dreamnt of the day.. Colonel Angus would rest his head at Shady Thicket. I always begged my Daddy: "Tell me stories about you and Colonel Angus!" But he never will.

Daddy: [ chuckling ] Well, that's because all of my experiences with Colonel Angus end in embarrassment!

[ they all share a hearty laugh ]

Daddy: Colonel Angus.. I hear rumors.

Colonel Angus: [ sighs ] The incident.. at Big Beaver..

Daddy: Yes?

Colonel Angus: It's true, I'm afraid.. ten men were lost.. and I suffered a great injury.. to my jaw.

Daddy: Is it true you've been stripped of your rank?

Colonel Angus: Yes! It is. There'll be no more "Colonel Angus", ladies. Call me by my given name.

Miss Anabelle: Oh, Anal..

Melinda: I so love the sound of "Colonel Angus".. but I guess I could give Anal Angus a try.

Colonel Angus: [ to a passing farm boy ] You there, Boy! ride into town and tell the Postmaster.. that if anyone is looking for Anal Angus.. to come knockin' at the rear entrance.. of Shady Thicket.

Farm Boy: Euuuggghhh..

Colonel Angus: If you'll excuse me.. I'd like to freshen up.

[ Colonel Angus turns, and enters the plantation home ]

Miss Anabelle: Of course! We'll call you when it's time to eat, Anal! Bedelia lays out quite a spread.

Melinda: Well, I think Colonel Angus is delightful!

Daddy & Miss Anabelle: Hmmm....

Miss Anabelle: You won't.. after forty-five minutes.

Daddy: No-o-o.. you can only take so much of Colonel Angus.



[/ QUOTE ]

[mistrpug]

Off the top of my head:

Off the top of my head...Cowbell (anything with Christopher Walker really), Fat Albert Behind the Music, TV Funhouse with Ashcroft sending Spongebob to jail for kiddy porn ("young wet sponges"), Rob Schneider (I think it was him) singing "Please give me money" and beratting the guy every time he gave him money, "Wash your own damn sheets!"

[Utah]

The Cowbell sketch almost killed me. I was at the gym in the middle of a heavy bench press and that song came on and I heard the cowbell and I started laughing hysterically and almost crushed myself with the bar.

[M2d]

Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy doing Sinatra and Stevie Wonder singing Ebony and Ivory. Am I dating myself now?
Also
"Jane you ignorant slut..."
Eddie Murphy as James Brown in Celebrity Hottub
"...in a van down by the river..."
Wayne's World w/the Madonna dream sequence

[scotnt73]

2 of my favorites

1)bunch of guys on the beach who dont want to take thier shirts off for different reasons
2)charlie brown busts his head open

[nolanfan34]

A few off the top of my head that haven't been mentioned...

- The Chippendales bit with Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley is pretty damn funny.
- Dana Carvey as "Head-wound Harry". When the dog starts eating his head wound, that always kills me.
- Eddie Murphy doing "Buckwheat sings"....unce...tice...fee times, a mady....
- The most recent Christopher Walken episode, there was a sketch with him and Seth Meyers that was a hidden camera type of prank show...that was funny.

Damn, what else...my SNL memory is a bit rusty since stupid Comedy Central lost the rights to air the old episodes.

[Clarkmeister]

A couple of game shows:

The Question is Moot

At the end of the game when none of the contestants have any points:

Q posted to Jesse Jackson (host): "Who gets the money?"
A: I get the money!
Q: "Why"
A: "The question is moot!"

You Lose a Finger was also really funny.

[elwoodblues]

How about Wedgie Fever with John Lovitz purposely missing questions so that he could get a Wedgie by answering "Oklahoma" for every question? Good stuff

[scotnt73]

[ QUOTE ]
A few off the top of my head that haven't been mentioned...

- The Chippendales bit with Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley is pretty damn funny.


[/ QUOTE ]

that may be the funniest of all time. i can remember being in high school ready to go out with a bunch of friends when that originally aired. we were actually falling down laughing. i had never heard of chris farley until then. there are only 2 stars that thier death actually really upset me. i believe i actually shed a tear when farley died.

[CCass]

Any of the John Belushi Samuri stuff

Anytime Tim Kazurinski guest starred on the news (he wore a black suit and had his hair slicked down) with the "flash cards"

Eddie Murphy in Mr. Robinson's neighborhood.

Many of my other favorites have already been mentioned.

[whiskeytown]

I used to love the old school SNL growing up...

-----------------------------------------------

the skits with Eddie Murphy's Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood were just absolutely hilarious...

"these are drums, boys and girls....know where drums come from? - From Africa....know where these drums came from? - Smokey Robinson was playing the Apollo and left his van open in the back of the place - I ripped em off...wonder how Smokey's gonna sound with no percussion?" - all in that Mr. Roger's voice -

--------------------------------------------------
I remember the Don Rickels "Romeo and Juilet" sketch really well cause things started going haywire in the middle, someone started losing a moustache, and people started cracking up, and Don Rickles started improvising - threating to smack Joe Piscpoe around from a previous skit - the cast was cracking up in the middle of the skit...

-----------------------------------------
Chris Farley, Motivational Speaker - 'I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!" was too hilarious for words - -
----------------------------------------

maybe some more will come to mind in a few hrs...

RB

[Toro]

Can't believe no one has mentioned the Steve Martin/Dan Akroyd "wild and crazy guys" who loved the the American women and their big American breasts.

[Tuco]

10. Peoples court sketch where Lovitz is the Devil.
9. Kattan as the over the hill comedian.
8. The Anal-retentive chef goes fishing with Gretzky.
7. Pimp chat with Morgan, Kid Rick and Vince Vaughn.
6. Unfrozen caveman lawyer.
5. Five-timers club opening with Hanks.
4. Aeorsmith Waynes world with Hanks.
3. Cowbell.
2. Fantastic Four party.
1. Im Chillin with Rock and Farley.

Tuco.

[kerssens]

The Ambiguously Gay Duo

[whiskeytown]

oh yah....Goth Talk can be funny as hell - mocking that whole culture pretty well...LOL

another old one I remember is Christopher Reeve - the audition for Superman - they get 3 guys - and they're actually trying to get them to do stuff like catch bullets in their teeth, bend iron bars -

it's down to 3, they accidently blow one guy away, and Reeve can't catch a bullet in his teeth whereas Rich Hall can...so he's getting the job, but he has a commercial to do, so they have to give it to Chris Reeve.

ah well....you had to be there to see it - RB

[andyfox]

Too many great ones to list, but some I remember from the very early years:

John Belushi as Samaurai ____________.

The Coneheads (especially the one where Bill Murray tells Dan Ackroyd that his daughter gives great cone).

Gabriel Byrne in Cooking with Keith (Keith Richards, chopping up the spices with a razor blade and sniffing them).

Dan Ackroyd bleeding to death ("Save the liver") as Julia Child

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

In no particular order off the top of my head and I'm sure I'm missing several:

Jingleheimer Junction
Blue Oyster Cult BTM - I Gotta have more cowbell!
Celebrity Jeopardy - the best are with Sean Connery, but the ones with Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds and Jeff Goldblum are awesome (also Keano Reeves)
Massive Headwound Harry w/ Dana Carvey
The one with Mike Meyers as a hyper little kid tied to the jungle gym talking to Nicole Kidman
Buckwheat Sings the Blues
The one with Bill Murray and Steve Martin where they're just saying "What the hell is that?" "Don't put your lips on it!" "Well, get my picture with it, anyhow"
Will Ferrell and Dana Carvey doing W and HW Bush on a hunting trip
Ferrell as Bush explaining the resolution to that spy plane incident in China
Janet Reno's basement parties
Darrell Hammond as Clinton as he was leaving the White House
Kevin Nealon as subliminal man


I'm sure there are several I'm missing, because Phil Hartman's not on there, neither is Chris Rock, and I'm sure there's some more with Will Ferrell and Dana Carvey.

[offTopic]

[ QUOTE ]
10. Peoples court sketch where Lovitz is the Devil.


[/ QUOTE ]

"What is your occupation?"

"I'm a barfly."

---

"MISTER MEPHISTOPHOLES! YOU MAY HOLD DOMINION OVER THE NETHER REGIONS, BUT I'M IN CHARGE IN THIS COURTROOM!"

[offTopic]

- Land Shark ("Candygram")
- The Farbers Meet The Coneheads (just because Belushi and Radner lost it at the end after Aykroyd jumped out the window)
- Samurai Night Fever (OJ Simpson: "I'm not black anymore.")
- Belushi as Beethoven ("Ludwig, you must eat!")

[whiskeytown]

there was one Kevin Nealon that was just hilarious....

P.I.P.I -

Politically Incorrect Private Eye -

Scene: - a bombed abortion clinic - on the wall, someone has sprayed "baby killers"

PI: - "Ah - must not have been too bad, they've got their sign out for business - (to Woman): - Yes, I'd like to speak to the man in charge -

woman: - I run this facility

PI: - "but isn't there a man in charge?"

woman: - no, we have one man here, he's the janitor...

PI: - "Oh, well let me speak to him then..."

[kerssens]

Norm MacDonald sarcastically doing Gehrig's "Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth" speech....

"Today, I consider myself, the luckiest man on the face of the Earth"

crowd goes wild

"I was being sarcastic.....I am the UN-luckiest man on the face of the Earth....I have a disease so rare, they named it after ME!!"

[gilper]

[ QUOTE ]
10. Peoples court sketch where Lovitz is the Devil.


[/ QUOTE ]

Mephistopheles: [ with a smirk ] Well, your Honor, that was kind of a trick. You see, as I promised Miss Braithwaite, I made her a great hairdresser. Her coifs were magical. Once you got one, you never needed another.

Judge Wopner: So there was no repeat business?

Mephistopheles: Exactly! But it's more or less customary for me to cheat mortals in this way. By observing only the letter of the agreement. For example, I'll give someone eternal youth, then have them sentenced to life imprisonment. That sort of thing. It's pretty standard. I'm the Devil!

[beerbandit]

To hot for the hot tub......OWWWWWWW

[astroglide]

Can't believe no one has mentioned the Steve Martin/Dan Akroyd "wild and crazy guys" who loved the the American women and their big American breasts.

i can believe it

[B Dids]

One of my favorite ones was whoever was playing Clinton after the impeachment hearings just ended.

"I am BULLETPROOF"

[FatOtt]

1. Jeffrey's Clothing Store with Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon, and Sean Hayes

2. Bad Idea Jeans Commercial
BAD IDEA Jeans
[ open on group of guys sitting on a bench on a basketball court, laughing ]

Guy #1: Hey, we've got our apartment. We ripped up the floors, pipes, wiring, and having everything completely redone.
Guy #2: You're renting, right?
Guy #1: Yeah.

BAD IDEA

Guy #3: Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.

BAD IDEA

Guy #1: [ tosses bottle to Guy #2 ] Head's up!
Guy #4: Now that I have kids, I feel a lot better having a gun in the house.

BAD IDEA

[ close-up of the jeans they're wearing, the label reads: BAD IDEA JEANS ]
Guy #3: I thought about it, and even though it's over, I'm going to tell my wife about the afffair.

BAD IDEA

[ more shots of BAD IDEA jeans ]
Guy #5: I don't know the guy, but I've got two kidneys and he needs one, so I figured..

BAD IDEA

Guy #2: Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, "When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?"

BAD IDEA

Announcer: BAD IDEA Jeans.
[ shows a group of tough looking basketball players on the court ]
Guy #1: Hey, you guys ready? Let's bet these guys! A hundred bucks.. make that two hundred! Two hundred bucks!

BAD IDEA JEANS

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

I just remembered a couple ads:

Oops I Crapped My Pants - "that's a lot of dung!" "How do you know so much about Oops I Crapped My Pants?" "Because I'm wearing them... and I just did!"

The ad for the kitty litter molds - the best part is when the little girl makes a whistle and blows it at the end.

Three-legged jeans.

The one-flush 'disposable' toilet.

The Adobe Car - the first car to break the $200 barrier. If you get in an accident, you just get out and patch it up.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

Two more:

The one with Will Ferrell selling a system for training your dog by way of humiliation.

The one for the bottled water from the creek that the two towns fought a war over where they made it seem like it was 100 years ago and then at the end, you see it was like last week.

[elwoodblues]

Don't forget Huggies Thongs.

[jdl22]

Ads:
Happy fun ball ("do not taunt happy fun ball")
Lung Brush
car with crappy exterior but luxurious interior
nike turkey
Schmitz Gay
rat poison that looks like dog food
love toilet for two

Skits:
I thought I was the only one that found jingleheimer junction hilarious, glad that's not the case. When I watch it with others I'm rolling on the floor and nobody else is beyond a chuckle. Others I haven't seen mentioned are:

- Princess and the homeboy ("G Dog that's my ice cream cone" [places ice cream cone on crotch] "yeah, well come and get it bitch!")
- Wayne's World with Madonna
- Stuart Smalley with Michael Jordan ("Maybe I'm not the best basketball player") also the one with Charles Barkley was good "well if you're one of the best basketball players ever I'm sure you've won lots of championships"
- the first few with chris kattan and cheri oteri where they are the super sexual suggestive couple. They ran this bit into the ground but at first it was funny
- a group of kids go to john lennon's grave and talk to his ghost. At first it seems like he's asking deep philosophical questions but then he just starts rewording everything they say "I understand" "or maybe you over sit?" Later they go to the grave of Jerry Garcia whose ghost is of course pretty well lit. He keeps repeating "no wait, what if I'm dead and you're alive!"

Finally I'm surprised nobody mentioned the Harry Potter skit with Lindsay Lohan. She plays Hermione who got super hot during summer break from school. It's actually quite funny but that's not the real reason it's one of the best skits.

[Malarky]

[ QUOTE ]
- a group of kids go to john lennon's grave and talk to his ghost. At first it seems like he's asking deep philosophical questions but then he just starts rewording everything they say "I understand" "or maybe you over sit?" Later they go to the grave of Jerry Garcia whose ghost is of course pretty well lit. He keeps repeating "no wait, what if I'm dead and you're alive!"



[/ QUOTE ]

I totally forgot about this one. Man, I need to find a copy of that or something.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
- Stuart Smalley with Michael Jordan ("Maybe I'm not the best basketball player") also the one with Charles Barkley was good "well if you're one of the best basketball players ever I'm sure you've won lots of championships"

[/ QUOTE ]

I forgot about those, Jordan trying to not crack up looking in the mirror was hilarious.

[ QUOTE ]
Finally I'm surprised nobody mentioned the Harry Potter skit with Lindsay Lohan. She plays Hermione who got super hot during summer break from school. It's actually quite funny but that's not the real reason it's one of the best skits.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[BeerMoney]

Favorite Ads..
Mom Jeans
Bad Idea Jeans
Schmidtz Gay

Favorite Musical Guest:
Public Enemy! They had a kick ass performance. Chuck D and Flava flav were awesome.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

D'oh! I did forget Huggies Thongs. And Schmidtz Gay. And how about that one for the cologne where the guy swims the length of the pool, gets out, his dog jumps up on him and he makes out with his dog?

[whiskeytown]

gawd, that was a beautiful sight with Lindsey, wasn't it...

of course, still illegal, so shame on you...why couldn't you have waited two months...

RB

[blackaces13]

If you've got a thirst for great beer, and your gay, reach for a Schmidt's.

[Six_of_One]

[ QUOTE ]
And how about that one for the cologne where the guy swims the length of the pool, gets out, his dog jumps up on him and he makes out with his dog?

[/ QUOTE ]

Canus: Cologne for dogs

[Gamblor]

Um, I think I'm gonna like housesitting.

[BeerMoney]

[ QUOTE ]
Um, I think I'm gonna like housesitting.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uhmmm, ya!

[banditbdl]

Skit with Will Ferrell spoofing VH1 storytellers as Neil Diamond. Gets up there and starts talking about the inspiration behind his songs before belting out into them. Like when he wrote "Forever in Blue Jeans". "It was after a show at the Forum, I was drunk and I was driving. I hit a kid, and sure enough he was dead. So I drove off... pretty fast... Forever in Blue Jeans!" He also goes on about how "Coming to a America" was inspired by his massive hatred of immigrants and how he wrote "Sweet Caroline" after he killed a drifter to get an erection among others. I just about died the first time I saw it, but it's been conspicously absent from any of the Best Of DVDs and I can't find it the internet, wouldn't surprise me if Diamond threatened to sue them for slander.

[Ray Zee]

there were so many when bulushi was around with chase and akroyd. no one mentioned the hamburger skit. one of the best.
i dont watch it much anymore except some times for the news part with tina fay. thats still funny. it has kind of lost it for me. or i lost my sense of humour.

[dsm]

[ QUOTE ]
Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy doing Sinatra and Stevie Wonder singing Ebony and Ivory.

[/ QUOTE ]

I love that one.

Murphy: "I am dark...and you are light"

Piscopo: "You are blind as a bat...and I have sight"

My absolute favorite Piscopo skit is the one where he plays Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theatre. He's sitting up in the presidential box heckling everybody on stage, and the audience too, just asking for somebody to shot him. Hilarious.

-dsm

[Toro]

Yeah, I guess those wild and crazy guys skits were pretty lame but they reminded of how bad me and my buddies were at picking up girls in the 70's.

[sfer]

Bill Murray singing Star Wars.
Kevin Spacey doing Christopher Walken auditioning for Star Wars.

[bdk3clash]

I'm a pretty big fan of the sketch where Charlton Heston plays an older, incompetent grocery store clerk who subtly threatens to torture his manager.

Also, speaking of Heston, Phil Hartman playing him recording the audio version of Madonna's "Sex" book was pretty funny.

"I like my vagina."

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

I like the one with Phil Hartman hosting a talk show and his guests were Sinead O'Connor, Sting, Keith Richards, and some other guy played by Mike Meyers. He kept calling O'Connor Cueball or something similar. Then he got into it with Sting "I have chunks of guys like you in my stool!"

Also, the one with Dana Carvey as... crap! I forgot the name of the guy and the show... I think it was Meet The Press (I was too young at the time to really realize who these people were supposed to be). John Goodman and Kevin Nealon are two of the four guests (as some political analyst) and Carvey just goes around cutting them all off and asking ridiculous things like what they had for breakfast and telling them their answers are wrong. He keeps making up nicknames for them and by the end, they're about 20 syllables long, one person starts answering a question, "I'm not finished with your name yet!" "NO!" "NO!" "NO!"

[Jaycie]

My favorite is prolly any of the Celebrity Jeopardy skits.

[Gamblor]

It's called the McLaughlin Group and it's a real political talk show on which they did a great send-up with Dana Carvey as the host, John McLaughlin.

The McLaughlin Group

John McLaughlin.....Dana Carvey
Jack Germonde.....John Goodman
Pat Buchanan.....Phil Hartman
Eleanor Clift.....Jan Hooks
Morton Kondracke.....Kevin Nealon

Announcer: From the nation's capital, "The McLaughlin Group", an unrehearsed, hastily assembled program presenting inside opinions and forecasts on major issues of today. With Jack Germonde of the Baltimore Sun, syndicated columnists Pat Buchanan and Eleanor Clift, and Morton Kondracke of the New Republic. Now, here's the moderator, John McLaughlin.

John McLaughlin: Issue number 1: the commander-in-chief in Mexico. Bush wants a free trade agreement, what does President Salinas want? Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: John, Salinas is playing up his recent economic success and steering his..

John McLaughlin: Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: I don't think it's so much what Salinas wants, it's what..

John McLaughlin: Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: John, this is just another case of President Bush trying to push a policy..

Pat Buchanan: I'm not sure Bush has a policy..

John McLaughlin: Excuse me Pat, I believe Eleanor has the floor.

Eleanor Clift: Thanks, John. The hard truth is that Bush needs Salinas more than Salinas..

John McLaughlin: Morton Kondracke!

Morton Kondracke: I think this agreement talk is basically a..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! There will be a free trade agreement; it will take place within one year. Issue number 2: Maggie out, Major in. The new British prime minister, some believe he's a Thatcher clone. Will he carry out her policies? Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: Well, Thatcherites are privately rejoicing..

John McLaughlin: Wrong Mortone.

Morton Kondracke: See, Thatcher endorsed..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! On a scale of 1 to 14, 1 being lowest degree of unlikelihood, 14 being absolute metaphysical certitude, what are the chances of Major continuing Thatcher's alliance with Bush, vis-a-vis the Iraqis? Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: I'd say about a 12.

John McLaughlin: Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: Hold it, 14 is most likely?

John McLaughlin: Yes.

Pat Buchanan: I would have to say about a 9.

John McLaughlin: Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: Lower, like 5.

John McLaughlin: Mortone!

Morton Kondracke: 8!

John McLaughlin: Wrong! The actual degree of likelihood is 6.5. Issue number 3: life after death. Some pundits say it doesn't exist. Theologians disagree. Is there an afterlife? Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: I.. uh.. really don't know.

John McLaughlin: Mortone!

Morton Kondracke: Well, it's not my field..

John McLaughlin: Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: I'd like to believe, but it's not..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! There is life after death. The soul does not ascend to heaven but rather rests in a limbo state that varies depending on the karma of the spirit. Issue number 4: Intellegent beings on other planets, yes or no? Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: I would think so.

John McLaughlin: Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: Don't know.

John McLaughlin: Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: Me, either.

John McLaughlin: Mortontown!

Morton Kondracke: Well, no one really knows..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! There is intellegent life in the 11th galaxy on the planet Neptar, which will conquer Earth in the year 5482, utilizing us for slave labor in their Chellonian salt mines. Issue number 5: what number am I thinking of? Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: Geez, uh, 82?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: Is it between 1 and..

John McLaughlin: Don't skirt the issue!

Eleanor Clift: Uh.. 40!

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Mortontyne!

Morton Kondracke: 212?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Jackareeno!

Jack Germonde: 2?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! The correct answer is 134. 134. Issue number 6: what did you have for breakfast today? Eleanor!

Eleanor Clift: Some cantaloupe.

John McLaughlin: Mortontown, USA!

Morton Kondracke: I had poached eggs and toast.

John McLaughlin: Jack Germondo!

Jack Germonde: Bacon and eggs.

John McLaughlin: Patty Patty Buke Buke!

Pat Buchanan: I'm thinking waffles, maybe a little..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! You all had Special K with banana. Issue number 7: what is issue number 14 going to be? Some say it will deal with economic matter, others believe it will involve Germany. Morteeny-tiny-tabletop!

Morton Kondracke: Acid rain?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Eleanor-gee-I-think-you're-swelleanor!

Eleanor Clift: I have.. no idea..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! You know quite well, you're just shy. Mondo-jackalo-gee-mon-mania-jack..

Jack Germonde: Well, it might be..

John McLaughlin: I'm not finished with your name, Germonacle-jack-o-lantern-gee-gi-jummy-jummy-jammy-mayhem!

Jack Germonde: You're insane, John!

John McLaughlin: Wrong! I'm perfectly sane. Everyone else, however, is insane and trying to steal my magic bag. St. Patrick of Buchananomics!

Pat Buchanan: I think I'm gonna leave, John.

John McLaughlin: Wrong! You can't leave; all the doors are locked from the outside. Next issue! What motivates me? Why do I conduct my show in this manner? Mondo!

Jack Germonde: You're a jerk?

John McLaughlin: Eleanor!

Eleanor Clift: Really large ego?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! I was neglected by my parents and I overcompensate to shadow my feeling that I have an inadequate intellect. Next issue!

Morton Kondracke: So, you didn't know your parents very well?

John McLaughlin: Wrong!

Morton Kondracke: Wrong?

John McLaughlin: Wrong!

Morton Kondracke: Right?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Next week: the S&L probe continues. Is my money in a safety loan? If so, what's my account number? Bye-bye! [ theme music plays; superimposed title appears; McLaughlin points around ] Wrong! No! I told you, no..

[nolanfan34]

The one's with Carvey were The McLaughlin Group. And the Hartman one was a spoof on that, with him as Frank Sinatra hosting "The Sinatra Group"

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

YES! That's it. I knew it was a real show and that the Sinatra skit was based on it too (nolanfan), but I just forgot which show it was they were doing - it's been a while.

[M2d]

Sean Connery: Craven Moorehead!!
Alex: Who's Craven Moorehead?
Sean: Apparently, you are, Alex

cracks me up every time I see it.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

"I'll play your game, you rogue!"
"The Rapist for 200, Alex!"

His Final Jeopardy answers are always good too.

[Jaycie]

"I'll take famous tities for 500"

"That's famous titles."

[Jaycie]

Categories:
Words that end in "amberger"
Current US Presidents
Is this a hat
Colors that end in "urple"
The pen is mightier... I'll take the penis mighter for 500

Final jeopardy...
Alex: Where are you now?
Alex: wherever you are right now just right it down, could be here or earth or a game show. Okay time's up...
Lets see what Sean Connery answered...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v195/JaycieScott/indoors.jpg
Alex: good Lord, he wrote in doors thats amazing!! are we recording this? And your wager...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v195/JaycieScott/indoors1.jpg

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[scotnt73]

ill take the rapists for 1000 alex.

thats therapists!

[gilper]

Jesse Jackson reading "Green Eggs and Ham"

[TJSWAN]

Let's also not forget Mr. Bill

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Tim

[Jaycie]

[ QUOTE ]
The one's with Carvey were The McLaughlin Group.

[/ QUOTE ]

What did you have for breakfast?
french toast...
WRONG!!!
pancakes...
WRONG!!
bacon and eggs...
WRONG!!! YOU ALL HAD SPECIAL K WITH BANANAS!!!

[vulturesrow]

One of my favorite jeopardy ones was where keanu reeves impersonator (cant remember who it was), got a the fina jeopardy question right and his wager was eleventy billion. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[WDC]

I am almost ashamed to admit it but those Bily Crystal, Christopjher Guest "I hate it when that happens" still are amung my favorites.

Not skits but any of the weekend updates with Dennis Miller or Norm MacDonald are hilarious. Jimmy and Tina can also do the news.

[kerssens]

Norm was the king of Update.......

The worlds richest child, Princess somthing or other had her 10th birthday this week. What's it like to be the world's richest child? Well to give you an idea, at her party there were TWO cakes.

[Rhone]

On this sad day, remembering Dan Akroyd's Julia Child skit definitely brings a smile to my face!

[Wahoo91]

Eddie Murphy doing "Buckwheat sings "....unce...tice...fee times, a mady....

Wasn't it "Buckmeat". Those were the best along with Mr. Robinson's neighborhood.

[Wahoo91]

I actually just remembered all the Adam Sandler skits like Operaman, Cajun Man, and by far the best, Canteen Boy.

Also the songs are/were awesome:
The Chanukah Song, and Lunchlady Land with Chris Farley

[Wahoo91]

Oops I Crapped My Pants - "that's a lot of dung!" "How do you know so much about Oops I Crapped My Pants?" "Because I'm wearing them... and I just did!"

I had forgotten about that one, I laughed so hard at that commercial when I saw it that I actually had to run to the bathroom for much the same issue! I can still see them playing tennis now...

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