_2000Flushes
08-09-2004, 05:28 AM
Dirty-ass roomates: how to deal with them.
This is on the assumption that you go to Baylor University.
Drive out to Double E Road (the location of the David Koresh compound). Take a large group of people every time you go. Do this three times, and do three different things.
First time) Spend two hours in the wee hours as the liason between 100 naive Southern Baptist freshmen and the lady who has locked herself in her tent because she is convinced the secret police are trying to poison her coffee. She will do whatever it takes to show the world that the Branch Dividians are not all associated with David Koresh (despite the fact that they have all taken on a variation of his name).
Second time) Drive a smaller group out to the compound several months later. Slowly lead everyone up to the station wagon parked outside of the only remaining building in the complex. When the group accidentally awakens the man sleeping in the back of said station wagon, run for your life along with everyone else. In fact, he is very much armed.
Third time) Kill Brent. Well, you don't really have to kill him. Just stop doing all the things necessary for him to live. He'll kick and scream like the little bitch that he is for a while. But it's for his own good. Sneeze. Alas, he'll figure out how to use your Ronco Rotisserie Oven and you can both start eating again. You didn't spend your combined monthly allowances on door-to-door steak delivery filets just to not eat them, now did you? Somehow, no pussy every came of that. Where was Destin when we needed him?
POINT:
If you have a roomate you don't like, drive him to the old Branch Dividian Compound. Believe me, anything goes there. With the possible exception of jumping off the Brazos River Suspension Bridge, it's the most exciting experience to be had in the HOT.
If your roommate has gone bad, smells bad, turns overripe, apostatizes, steals your girl, or diarrheas on you adoptive mother's 14-carot cashmere hassock,
Blah, blah, blah. Sounds like a pretty kick-ass time, huh? Je croix que non. You can keep your unlaundered sour towel/sponges to yourself. I've gotten used to the smell. Sorry I built the bed too high for you to climb into. It's not like you were ever going to leave my couch anyway. Enjoy watching all the esoteric sports shows that even the sports figures despise. One day, if you keep eating Vitek's Gutpacks, you might just become some hybrid of Bob Ueucher and Kieth Olberman. I can only hope so.
Until that time, we're headed into the uncharted territories of controlled substances, and I could probably use your help, whereverthehellyouare. Let me know where you are.
As for everyone eles ...
Please reply with an array of responses ...
Prefered are:
1. Constructive crititicism: I'd love to hear it, but I can't think of any expamples of the top of my head.
2. Practical advice (i.e. types of condoms, toys, lines of approach to use with girls ...)
3. Toys, games, angles of attack to take with Bible Belt girls. I'm not at all interested in corrupting some innocent girl who has never entertained the thought of drinking a sip of unpastuerized milk before it gets insde.
These girls have to maintain a facade to their parents and to each other that they are these perfect Brady Bunch-type girls completely devoid of any sexual interest or curiosity.
Well, I find it to be my duty to declare B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T!
-2kF
P.S. If you have avenues to girls outside of what was posted here, please feel free to post them or PM me personally.
Thanks for your time,
-2kF
This is on the assumption that you go to Baylor University.
Drive out to Double E Road (the location of the David Koresh compound). Take a large group of people every time you go. Do this three times, and do three different things.
First time) Spend two hours in the wee hours as the liason between 100 naive Southern Baptist freshmen and the lady who has locked herself in her tent because she is convinced the secret police are trying to poison her coffee. She will do whatever it takes to show the world that the Branch Dividians are not all associated with David Koresh (despite the fact that they have all taken on a variation of his name).
Second time) Drive a smaller group out to the compound several months later. Slowly lead everyone up to the station wagon parked outside of the only remaining building in the complex. When the group accidentally awakens the man sleeping in the back of said station wagon, run for your life along with everyone else. In fact, he is very much armed.
Third time) Kill Brent. Well, you don't really have to kill him. Just stop doing all the things necessary for him to live. He'll kick and scream like the little bitch that he is for a while. But it's for his own good. Sneeze. Alas, he'll figure out how to use your Ronco Rotisserie Oven and you can both start eating again. You didn't spend your combined monthly allowances on door-to-door steak delivery filets just to not eat them, now did you? Somehow, no pussy every came of that. Where was Destin when we needed him?
POINT:
If you have a roomate you don't like, drive him to the old Branch Dividian Compound. Believe me, anything goes there. With the possible exception of jumping off the Brazos River Suspension Bridge, it's the most exciting experience to be had in the HOT.
If your roommate has gone bad, smells bad, turns overripe, apostatizes, steals your girl, or diarrheas on you adoptive mother's 14-carot cashmere hassock,
Blah, blah, blah. Sounds like a pretty kick-ass time, huh? Je croix que non. You can keep your unlaundered sour towel/sponges to yourself. I've gotten used to the smell. Sorry I built the bed too high for you to climb into. It's not like you were ever going to leave my couch anyway. Enjoy watching all the esoteric sports shows that even the sports figures despise. One day, if you keep eating Vitek's Gutpacks, you might just become some hybrid of Bob Ueucher and Kieth Olberman. I can only hope so.
Until that time, we're headed into the uncharted territories of controlled substances, and I could probably use your help, whereverthehellyouare. Let me know where you are.
As for everyone eles ...
Please reply with an array of responses ...
Prefered are:
1. Constructive crititicism: I'd love to hear it, but I can't think of any expamples of the top of my head.
2. Practical advice (i.e. types of condoms, toys, lines of approach to use with girls ...)
3. Toys, games, angles of attack to take with Bible Belt girls. I'm not at all interested in corrupting some innocent girl who has never entertained the thought of drinking a sip of unpastuerized milk before it gets insde.
These girls have to maintain a facade to their parents and to each other that they are these perfect Brady Bunch-type girls completely devoid of any sexual interest or curiosity.
Well, I find it to be my duty to declare B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T!
-2kF
P.S. If you have avenues to girls outside of what was posted here, please feel free to post them or PM me personally.
Thanks for your time,
-2kF