It has always bothered me when....

It has always bothered me when:


1.Two or three people leave the table with my chips.

2.Two or three people rush to my new table with chips that were formerly mine.

3.My automobile runs low on fuel.

4.A new movie premiers on Thursday and not Friday.

5.They digitally remaster a Jethro Tull albumn.

6.I am in the slowest moving grocery store line.


Am I just being paranoid or could all these semmingly random occurrances be related and designed to throw me off my game?


Jimbo

7. your monther in law in coming to town

8. she's staying at your house


time to go on tilt...

Even worse is when they pull out the checkbook to pay for something that costs $5.

. . .that you are not in the slowest moving line, simply look for me and get into a different line.


Me, I like to fill up my cart to overflowing, even the bottom part, then look for someone buying just a bottle of coke and ask if I can go ahead of him.

I agree. I'm 54 a have yet to write a check in a grocery store. I'm always tempted to just pay for the groceries of anybody in front of me when they start to write a check. I am fortunate to live where there are seldom more than 2 or 3 in line.

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when im really being a goofball (almost always i have only a couple things) i ask the lady (for some reason i would never say this to a guy) behind me with an overflowing cart if she wants to go ahead of me. it (like most things) cracks me up.


brad

the imp of the perverse took hold of me and wouldn't let me go. I head to the express line, clutching my one or two items, only to be cut off by a haridan barging into the eight items or less (and, please, change that "less" to "fewer") with a shopping cart filled to the brim. Well, perhaps not filled to the brim, but you get the idea. This woman simply couldn't grasp that thirty-five items was not LESS.


The clerk begins to ring, and I stand watching, hoping the time goes by quickly. I'm not in a foul mood quite yet. "Price check, aisle eight," rings out over the intercom. The manager approaches and finds the price. A few more items and, yes, you guessed it, "Price check, aisle eight." All of a sudden, my watch becomes the most interesting object I've ever beheld. Manager arrives, flips through the list, and gives the clerk the price. She rings precisely one more item and--"Price check, aisle eight." Manager, list, price; okay, my upturned palm says, "WTF?"


A few more items, and then the clerk begins to peer at a package like it's the Holy Grail. I know what's coming. "Price check . . . ." NO, enough, I say (to myself). I've had it. I light a cigarette, nice and slowly, and lean in towards the clerk. She looks towards me, tells me that I can't smoke, and in the clamest voice I can muster, I ask, "Why not? Is there a sign or any indication that smoking is prohibited?"


She indicates the NO SMOKING sign above me to the right. Again, very calmy, I ask, "And which of your signs am I to believe? The one that says "NO SMOKING" or the one that reads "Eight items or less?"


The clerk laughs, finishes ringing the order, awaits the manager to arrive with the final price check (it's taken so long, I've ground the cigarette under my heel by now), and, of course, waits while this woman takes more time than I thought humanly possible to write a check.


John

after the person in front of me (usually a little old lady who takes about 3 minutes to write a check and everybody in line is a bit fidgity) writes a check, i step up with my couple of items and after, hi, hi, i just say, you take 2 party out of state checks, right? in my best deadpan projected voice.


brad

Ed I....it really pisses me off when someone responds to situation #6 by stating their age! What the heck? Hey....have you learned nothing from the Babe? Geeze guy, come on now....you ruined a perfectly good grocery line fantasy by telling me you are older than Clarkmeister!. Remember....Look Good, play good. Babe

When you do you grocery shopping that late at night, the store only has about a dozen shoppers in it. So, you hardly ever have to wait in a line.

yeah, me too. except then you get stuck waiting for ANYBODY in the whole store to get their arse to the front and ring you up.

Gee John, you wrote: "clutching my one or two items". If you can't even remember if you were carrying one OR two items, how can we believe any of this story?


Your assignment is to rewrite this story and make believable where appropriate. Class will discuss tomorrow.


Regards,


Rick

Rick,


This is completely true; Mary was pretty pissed at me. :-] I thought it best to leave her out, however, assuming that some might conclude she would sanction my behavior.


John


Disclaimer: Since this happened a few years ago, I'm not quite sure if it took three or four price checks.

This woman simply couldn't grasp that thirty-five items was not LESS.


Make that FEWER.


There used to be a grocery store in austin that had two express lines for 10 or less, and two express lines for 10 or fewer. This was after a battle in the letters to the editor section of the local rag that went on for months. In the spirit of conciliation, english majors were allowed to use any line they wished.


Has there ever been any scholarly study on the corelation between having a type A personality and playing poker?

babe,

Ed I. has a very strange obsession with being old, when he in fact is about the youngest 54 year old that you could imagine. i think he feels it is some sort of enabler (the age issue that is) to grumpiness. he, however, isn't grumpy and is simply a delight to be around, although i have never shared a grocery line with him. take care all you oldies but goodies! J.Brown

A British Comedian called Jack Dee had a joke about this..


He was at the front of a line with the biggest load of shopping imagineable...


The guy behind him had just a packet of biscuits in his trolley..


Jack says "Is that all you've got to buy mate?"


The guy whimpers back "yes..."


Jack says... "well you might as well fuck off now... Im going to be hours here!"


It always makes me crack up when someone offers me to go in front at the supermarket.


Cheers,


Keith

What's wrong with stating your age?

Phat Mack,


Live in a college town and that sort of stuff happens. In her memoir, Ex Libris, Anne Fadiman talks about her family whipping out pens at restaurants and correcting mistakes on menus. Now that must have been a fun group.


John

john..one of your very best..gl

Babe,


Let me put it this way, and I'll reference one of my favorite New Yorker cartoons. Rick dragged me to The Empire Strikes Back (we sat in the first row). In the cartoon, two people watch a Star Wars movie, and one stands up and screams, "But explosions don't make sounds in space!"


Guess which one was Rick.


John

I just put myself in the hospital and realize none of this BS really matters, because I'm out and about.


Time To check-in

well, that HAS always been one of MY biggest arguments with movies that take place in outer space...

Stay away from any line I'm in! I seem to have the worst judgment in the world when it comes to that and always have! There can be one person there and he/she takes for ever. : )

I don't know how many times on TV I have seen a car chase on a dirt road, with the sound effect of squealing tires dubbed in. Haven't any of these idiots ever driven on a dirt road? Or do they just not have the "sliding on gravel and rocks hitting the bottom of the car" sound in their library?