Sexquest

[Zeno]

I'll be leaving for Reno soon. I plan on having sex with a 6'5" 300 lb redheaded woman, or a 5’ 6” 300 lb blonde woman, whichever is more readily available. I may need to bring supplies, so, beside the obvious protection gizmos; I wanted to solicit any suggestions from the knowledgeable folks here about possible accessories that may prove useful. After all, I want to be fully prepared. Any quest must be entered into with the eyes wide open. Note that I am a small-framed man of about 145 lbs. So this may be a minus EV proposition.

I may also get in a few rounds of NL Hold'em. Thus, making this a legitimate post for this forum.

I'll check in tomorrow for any advice before I leave.

Thanks in advance.

-Zeno

[Alobar]

It sounds like a paper bag would be a valuable item to have in your quest /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Sully]

Your situation is much more +EV if you select the 6'5" 300 lb redheaded woman.

Do you understand why?

[SlyAK]

This is definitely -EV imo.....

One recommendation would be alcohol.... LOTS of alcohol.

Sly

[bisonbison]

Just remember:

Fire above, fire below, and a burning sensation for the rest of your goddamned life.

[judgesmails]

Rent a crane and have a snorkel handy.

[young nut]

Just do what us whalers do: Slap it hard and just ride the waves in!

[steamboatin]

bring a large firm pillow to place under her hips to help you get a good angle of approach.

[Malarky]

Just relax and go with it. I remember the first time I paid for sex, too.

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
Your situation is much more +EV if you select the 6'5" 300 lb redheaded woman.

Do you understand why?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and it's not close.

[cardcounter0]

Make sure she has a gap in her front teeth. Adds so much more to the experience.

[smudgex68]

Take a bag of flour.

Then you can roll them in it to find the wet spot

[Gally327]

I think that what you need to do is totally think about this first. Do you really want to be that guy. There are plenty of good looking girls around Reno who would love to get with a guy like you..........For 50 bucks. You can then spend that money in order avoid loosing it at the poker table, look like an idiot, and start the whole desperate fat chick cycle all over again.
Ryan

[astroglide]

the gap-tooth women thing is totally true

[kyro]

it's ok, we have to start somewhere. if you have a small bankroll (read: wang) then stay at the low-limits until you get enough to go after the real honeys...yo

[Zeno]

Some great Ideas and Advice - keep it comming.

-Zeno

[Sloats]

Be sure to lift the skirt up first and confirm that it is in fact a woman.

You might need some utensils and a flashlight.... a miner's helmet in fact.

[ZeeJustin]

[ QUOTE ]
Be sure to lift the skirt up first and confirm that it is in fact a woman.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is way too picky.

[Zeno]

I took some notes. I got to run for now. Reno is calling. Maybe if there is a web cafe in Reno and I have time, I can check up later.

If I survive, I'll post the 'results'. Probably next Monday.

-Zeno

[tolbiny]

this is a little complex, and requires your own hotel room that you can set up before hand...

1. You have to be on bottom to gain the real experience, it is a must, and you will thank me later for this my friend (even if its only by blinking you eyes in morse code from the hospital bed).

2. Tie a whole baked chicken to the ceiling, tie other end up rope holding chicken to your wrist.

3. let the *ahem* lady in.

4. intermitantly weep like a baby/find religion.

5. at the moment of climax the bed will shatter, dropping your body 18" closer to the ground... this is where the chicken comes in... it will be pulled from the ceiling, and the *ahem* lady will jump off of you after it, saving you from suffocation.

6. Rinse, heal, repeat

[Mayhap]

Fat chicks are like motor scooters.
They are fun to ride until your friends see you.

/M

[mjohnson406]

[ QUOTE ]
It sounds like a paper bag would be a valuable item to have in your quest /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

If she is that bad looking, you might want a plastic bag in your arsenal as well

[astroglide]

bring a second bag incase hers falls off

[J_V]

Could the "do you see why?" and "it's not close" posts please stop now.

[SlyAK]

n/m

[Airpoaneman]

Is there decency of Morality?