anatomy of a retirement

So long, farewell.


No, I'm not quitting poker, I'm merely hitting the 'pause' button on the poker game of life.


Tonight was the straw that broke this camel's back. I'm not going to litter this post with bad beat stories, because quite frankly, I want players to cold call my AA raise with A8o. Really, I do. Moreover, I want them tied to their hand on the flop for a cap when it comes 8 high. Really I do.


And I know that sooner or later, when I raise with AK, there will be a card with a letter on it on the flop. Really there will.


And when I have two cards with the same letter or number in the corner, sooner or later, another of those special little cards will show up on the flop.


And I want people to chase runner runner flushes. I really do. Every time, even when the pot odds don't permit.


Now, here's the sick thing. I want them to make there hand in the above situations sometimes. That's future insurance.


But for now, it's only future insurance for you guys reading this post, not for the guy writing it.


Tonight was another disaster session...number 13 out of 15. I dug a hole that, even after reading "anatomy of a comeback", I couldn't dig out of. And I tried. Really I did. I had all the right tools. It started with AKc. Flop came As 9c 4c. This is starting to sound like the HPFAP cover, isn't it? We capped it. 4 of us did. Teamwork at it's finest. Turn was 3s. 3-bet. Beautiful. Three of us still in the pot...JTc, K5s, and myself.


I came in second when the Ts came on the river. Really I did. Que Sera Sera. Or something.


I've never said "nice hand" so many times in my life. I've never rehashed hands in my head so many times, and came up with the same conclussion...I couldn't have done anything differently.


And why would I? When I have JJ on a 6 3 3 flop, why should I slow down against a maniac pushing his 88 against me? Oh thats right...he may hit an 8 on the river. I'm glad he did. Next hand


But, dealer, for this next hand, deal me out. See, I'm leaving this week for Vegas. A good friend is getting married on Saturday. So I'll be playing cards in vegas this week/weekend. And then that's it. I'm done. I need time off.


And it sucks, too. It really does. See, I've only seriously been playing poker since November 2000. Not that long. And I feel somewhat accomplished, and I feel like I know what I'm doing. Last year at this time, I was a novice's novice, and I went to the WSOP. And I had the time of my poker-life. And I really wanted to go this year. But, alas, the money won't be there, and the temptation will be. Not a good mix. So, I'll stay home.


And, I'll read twoplustwo.com. And then I'll scratch my head, and wonder how anybody can lose at this game, when there are people out there playing K8o UTG, and cold-calling raises with 44. And I'll get the hankering. Really, I will. And I'll read a post my Tommy, and a post by Vince, and a post by mike l. By then, he may have found the 'shift' key. And the hankering will eat me up.


And, the middle of April will roll around, and I'll decide to take a stab at it again. And I'll be successful. Why? Because I have a good attitude about this. Because people will be calling my AA raise with A8o. Because people will push their 88 against my JJ on a 6 3 3 flop. Because when the odds are in my favor, I'll come out ahead. Because draws that are supposed to come in 1 outta 3 times will start doing that. And draws that are supposed to only come in 1 outta 24 times will resort back to their norm.


So, I'm gone, but not forgotten. I'll still be posting here, for better or worse. I'll still wonder how anybody gets as many pocket pairs as mike l. I still wonder if Tommy A. is going to name his yacht "The Button". I'm still going to admire with my whole being the wonderful humanity that is Andy Fox. I'll still wonder how some people can only care about the bottom line when they play this great game of wits.


And, sadly, most importantly, I'll wonder why I truly wanted to slug the face of the person who called my raise with 97o.


I'll sit at home and wonder when and where this picture of patience and calm went wrong. And when I have it figured out, and when I can assure myself that that ugly feeling I had today will never return, well then, I'll return. Really, I will.


Although, when I do, my posts may start appearing on the "small stakes" forum. I think that the people that play those games understand the game better than I do. Oh, sure, I understand the odds, and I can read people better than 95% of the poker players at any California Card Barn. But I can't play this game for fun anymore.


And they can. I need to learn that aspect, again.


Thanks to all. You'll still be getting my (unwanted?) advice. You just won't be able to give me any for a month or two.


Josh

Very nice/slightly sad post that we can all relate to. Realise that even though we can all relate, we're also all still here making a bit of money, knowing the poker worst can come back to bite us at anytime.


Let us know when you're back in the saddle.

Just when I'm really getting back from my retirement, the same shit happens to you.


Half of my reason for retiring temporarily was that I needed to use a lot of the money from my bankroll. The other half was yours. Everydrunk on a winning streak would seem to find my games. I'd love it. Then I'd have to go home to get another stack of bills.


If it encourages you at all, you get to be the guy who sucks out too. But it'll be different. You won't hit a 2 outer. But the maroon with top pair on the flop will think you did and go on tilt. In reality... rivering trips when 20 cards in the deck would have either given you a straight, a flush, two pair, OR the trips you caught isn't really that bad of a beat. But he'll think it is.


And that's when you'll call in all of your stray chips.


I'm a pessimist for a reason. Because I've been right where you are. I've spent weeks losing to the same bullshit you're citing. I needed a lot of time off. More than 6 months, after playing for only 20 months.


Missing a few months of action won't affect your long term gains much, but - ask Mason since I might be wrong about this - playing for a few months when you're beat mentally before you sit down might.


~D

a top post..the real weapon a gambler has is taking some time off...and wagering appropriate stakes...the action will always be there...and i do not want to be at your table when you come back...you are due the mother of all rushes..and will see it...yes you will..fgl

Josh,


Sorry you had to get drug through the muck in order to be moved and motivated to write such a capturing work. Such is the nature or art and pain.


Hang.


Tommy

Thanks for being willing to open yourself up. As kindrid spirits, we all share the gut feelings of despair and frustration. Perhaps one can find comfort in the hope that as long as he doesn't run out of time, that turn-around day is sure to come.

JI

Well, I'm with you in that taking time off can be a great idea. I do it myself about twice a year, where I stay away for two months or so. It allows me a chance to catch up on things more important to me (like writing), and also gives me an opportunity to spend some time getting my personal/social life back in balance.


But, unlike you I never quit in the middle of a losing streak. To me, that's tantamount to saying 'uncle'; to admitting, at least to myself, that the streak is something I can't handle. I can think of many, many reasons to step back from the game, but I won't let the dollars and cents dictate when I push myself away from the green baize.


Poker is a savage game; anybody who's played seriously knows that. It's often tedius, almost always boring (at least I get bored by it), and inarguably unproductive. But if it does one thing well it is to instill a sense of toughness and fortitude in the people who approach the game with the respect it demands. So, while I can empathize with your reasons for taking a break, I can't help but think you're stepping away from the one thing the game can offer ANYBODY; and that thing is NOT money (since some people just don't have the aptitude to become winners), or recreation (since some players, like me, get sick of the game easily), but a chance to dig inside yourself and discover how much you can ENDURE.


I play for money; that's it. Some days I enjoy it, and some days I don't. But in addition to the money (which, for some reason, just about always finds its way to Conley's Auto Repair, which has become the second home of my fiancee's Geo Prizm)I relish the opportunity the game has given me to'toughen up', and to learn how to handle and overcome adversity. Most American males, who wallow in a dreary post-adolescence up though their early thirties, don't ever get a chance to see if they have what it takes to suck it up. Thankfully I have, and poker has been that vehicle.


Anyway, best of luck in your break from the action. Take a breather, read some Chekhov, and fill out some brackets for the Big Dance. Or buy "Highway to Hell" and play air guitar to "Walk All Over You" in your boxers; and make sure you haven't drawn the blinds.


And know, deep down, that the flop awaits.


Take it easy,

Guy


P.S. I was whacked by seven four-or-less outers yesterday, and soared through a rack of red in a 10-20 game in about three hours. Also, I'm the only person I know who has lost with three straight flushes in his life, in addition to having had quads shoved up my backside six times. So I do feel you pain /images/smile.gif

Wow. Great writing. Like Tommy, I'm sorry too that you had to be at a low in order to do it.


Thank you for your kind words for me.


Not that I'm telling you anything you don't know, but the game is not chess: it is a game of incomplete information and a game wherein luck plays a part. I lost two racks last week without taking back so much as one chip I put into the pot. That's right, not one. Really does take most of the fun out of the game.


There's lots of cool things in life other than poker. Do some of them. Then come back when it feels better.


Keep smilin'.

D -


It's really no big thing...I'm gonna be up in Seattle for a couple of weeks in April, so it'll seem like no time at all. Plus, who knows, I may strike it rich this week in vegas, and no longer have concerns /images/smile.gif


Josh

Rush or no rush, I'll be back...I enjoy the game too much to be gone for too long...thanks for the encouragement...


Josh

Hang is what I'll do. I went to a difficult college (Harvey Mudd College, for those who care), and I had fairly lousy work ethic. Whenever the work started to pile up, I'd prioritize it, then get to work on it until it was done...no need for sleep. Whenever I finished one task and moved on to another, I'd tell myself "keep on keepin' on". That's what I did, and what I'll do again. Just let me catch my breath first.


Josh

Guy -


Your post really struck a nerve with me...I'm really glad you wrote what you did.


See, I usually put a mule to shame when it comes to stubborness or determination. I've never given up in my life. And after reading your post, I thought to myself that you were right...I was in too many ways admitting defeat.


But I don't think that this is so much the case as I think about it more. I need the time off. I really do. I'm falling behind at work, I've started working out a lot less, I'm in the worst shape of my life, and in reality, the money is becoming scant at best. All problems will be solved with a little time off. And as scalf says, the games will be there when I get back. I've taken months off before, and this is no different. I'm just hoping somebody here will pistol-whip me if they see me in a cardroom (other than the Bellagio this weekend) before late April!!


Thanks again for the post...you almost got me back:). I'm just hitting the pause button in the poker game of life, though. I'm not quitting.


Josh

Andy -


Keep smiling? Wow...what a weird way to sign a post. Right up there with "hang" from Tommy. It really, really hit home. I had quit smiling while playing cards. Maybe not physically, but certainly metaphysically. It became a little bit of drudgery, hence the time off.


As for the "other things to do" part...yeah. I'm 23. I live on the beach. I'll survive. Really, I will /images/smile.gif Thanks for the post and continued support and advice...


Hang


Josh

Gummyworm -

The time off will do wonders for you. I too had a horrible run this year in january/early feb. I lost 10 times in a row in a 10-20 games I beat for 30 / hr over 1000+ hours last year. Same stuff. I took about a month off and finally returned this week with a completely new attitude. By the end of my 10 session dive, I Was a miserable bastard. I was dreading every card that rolled off the deck etc... Now I'm back to my old self and I'm actually enjoying poker again.


Take a break - I played golf religiously instead, but do something else. You'll return refreshed and in better spirits. I know I did.


Better Luck!