Favorite Family Guy Quotes

[ArchAngel71857]

Since there seem to be some family guy fans on here, what is your favorite family guy quote.

I know its kind of like choosing the best quote from Big Lebowski or choosing the best "brush stroke on the Mona Lisa," but why not?

Right now mine is from the episode "The Thin White Line," Peter has about 75 tranquilizer darts in him and says
"But I don't wanna feed grandma bacon while she's in the bath tub."

-AA

[elwoodblues]

Mine are:

[looking at whales]
Chris Griffin: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter Griffin: I'll tell you what it's not for. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
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Lois Griffin: We'll continue this talk after dinner. Women are not objects.
Peter Griffin: That's right, son, listen to what it says.

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Lois Griffin: Typical male fantasy. Women drinking beer. I can guarantee that a man made that commercial.
Peter Griffin: Of course they did. It's a commercial, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

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Lois Griffin: Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter Griffin: Yeah I think it looks better.
Lois Griffin: You pasted it over me.
Peter Griffin: Yeah I think it looks better.

--------------------

Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

-----------------------

Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

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Peter Griffin: I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
Announcer: And now, Homicide: Life on Sesame Street.
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

-----------------------------
Brian Griffin: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye.

[ThaSaltCracka]

one of my favorites is the episode in which Peter and Brian go to Pawtucket Pats brewery for the tour. Peter and Brian are in a room which looks like the bubble room in Willie Wonka. They both drink the beer and they start to float up to the top where the fan is spinning, next thing you know one of them farts and they start going back down. Peter then says "ah, silent but life saving..."

[Uston]

Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.

Death: Well that would just leave England.

[nolanfan34]

Man, those are funny, I have to check this show out. Thank god for Netflix.

[kerssens]

I like when the British take over the bar and they go to the Cherry Pit to find a new bar and Quagmire goes up the the two girls at the bar and says......."so you girls ever been penetrated?"

[ThaSaltCracka]

^^^^^ The Cherry Pit is a lesbian bar

[kerssens]

Meg: Umm, who are you?

Ugly chick: Some company hired me to stand next to you so you'd look better by comparison

Meg: That's ridiculous, I don't need....

Guy at school: Hey Meg, did you get less ugly?

[AndysDaddy]

Peter: I'm looking for some toilet training books.

Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'.

Peter: Well, you see, we're catholic...

Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'.

[kerssens]

This one is classic Peter........(the quote could be a little off but the gist is there)

"Ah, I remember when I first got that bike, I played with it so long"

---flashback---

"more tea Mr Bike?"

[ArchAngel71857]

From "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin Christmas":

Peter: Since when did they change the meaning of 'for' to 'from'?

Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.

Peter: And why wasn't I told?

Brian: Well, they sent you a card, but it said 'For: Peter' on it, so you must have thought it was "from you," . . . you know, it's just eaiser to call you stupid.

-AA

[scotnt73]

peter doing a breast exam on himself="Oh my god Lois Its a lump!"

"Oh nevermind its just a cheeto."

[kerssens]

When they are reminding Peter about the last time he got drunk........

Sitting in a movie theater watching Philadelphia

Peter: I got it! That's the guy from Big, Tom Hanks, everything he says is a stitch

Hanks: I have AIDS

Peter: Ha ha ha ha

[kerssens]

Same episode....a British guy goes on a long spiel about cricket...

Peter: Did anyone understand a word of that?

Clevelend: The only British idiom that I know is that fag means cigarette

Peter: Well someone tell that cigarette to shut up

[ThaSaltCracka]

here's on of my favorites that I just remembered.

Peter: Is that really the blood of Christ? That guy must have been wasted 24/7.

[Tosh]

Meh love family guy (http://www.familyguyquotes.com/)

[spamuell]

Does this look like a "q" to you? How about now?

[astroglide]

Same episode....a British guy goes on a long spiel about cricket...

Peter: Did anyone understand a word of that?

Clevelend: The only British idiom that I know is that fag means cigarette

Peter: Well someone tell that cigarette to shut up

that...is...awesome.

[spamuell]

From the same smoking episode when an anti-smoking lobbyist stands up:

"Cigarettes killed my father... and raped my mother."

[ArchAngel71857]

Oh man, I love this one:

[ QUOTE ]
Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?


[/ QUOTE ]

-AA

[kerssens]

That one was on last night, I totally forgot about that one....nice quote

[slamdunkpro]

At the baseball game:

Stuey "Say Opey, I'll trade you my shinney baseball for your free bat day bat"

Kid next to him" Sure"

Stuey give kid the ball takes bat, whacks kid in the head with bat; kid drops the baseball Stuey grabs it.

Stuey "What did we learn?"

[Gamblor]

Brian: So, what kind of a name is Weed?

Mr. Weed: They gave it to my grandfather on Ellis Island. Our original name was Bermudagrass.

[kerssens]

From the first episode with death......death is in a van with some chick, the van is rockin..

Death: Oh Sandy! Oh Sandy!....Sandy??....Oh Man! Now I'm gonna be a virgin forever....or am I?

more rocking from the van

[David Steele]

Not exactly a qoute but there is a scene where Stuey's
blocks are piled up spelling REDRUM.

D.

[Capn486]

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

Stewie: I'm to entrust my life to a turtle, Nature's D student?

[kerssens]

No words were spoken but in a flashback scene you see a bunch of people in an attic and hear the German Army...then you hear Peter eating some potato chips and see the fear on the faces of Anne Frank's family

[James Boston]

When Stewie and Brian visit Brian's birthplace. It's a country farm type place.

Old Lady: I bet you boys are hungry.
Stewie: Yes, and I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.

[scrub]

Mr. Griffin Goes To Washington is the title.

My favorite is the corporate director of the tobacco company who keeps blurting out "Smoke!". Although you sort of have to have seen it to get it.

scrub

[Sloats]

Stewie: Opie, I'll trade you this foul ball for you bat. [clunk] Now what did you learn?

[kerssens]

Pool man: excuse me sir, you can't park your van on the diving board

Peter: that's my son

[kerssens]

Lois: Peter, keep your voice down, your embarassing him

peter: No I'm not, if I wanted to embarass him I'd do this....hey everyone, look at what Chris Griffin's father, Peter Griffin is doing

he proceed to lick his nipple

[scotnt73]

"Right now, somewhere in this world, Scott Baio is plowing a woman he doesn't love," - Peter Griffin

[kyro]

Dennis Miller: "I don't want to go on a rant here. But America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Robert Fulton having sex with Beowulf at the second battle of Antietam. I mean, when a neoconservative defenestrates, it's like Riskalnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate(sp?)

Peter: What the hell does 'rant' mean.