Nothing to do with poker. They say writing it down helps.

[zuluking]

I've been taking American Shotokan karate for 2 years. I work out hard 4-5 days a week, practice at home, and stay after class for extra training. Friday night I tested for my 1st degree Brown Belt. I failed.

According to my Shihan, my stances wern't deep enough, my techniques weren't smooth enough, my grappling sucked, and apparently I didn't spar hard enough. And yet, I gave 100 percent. I left everything on the mat. Its been over 30 hours since the test and I'm still sore as hell, tired as hell, and mentally drained. I haven't slept except for a 3 hour nap this afternoon. It's 2 in the morning, and I'm devestated. I've never failed at anything in my life.

I'm mad as hell. The test wasn't fair. My Sensai didn't train me correctly. I'm old, fat, un-athletic, and have no business practicing karate. All of these thoughts are running through my head.

I love martial arts. I love training and working up a lather. I love learning a new technique, that "lightbulb" moment when you "get it" and perform it just like you were taught.

I hate testing. Right now I just want to learn more karate and never bother with testing again. Brown belt, Black belt. Who cares? I'll show up for class, learn karate, and that'll be that.

I'm an emotional wreck. I fight back tears as I write this. My wife is worried about me. I told her I'd be okay, but I can tell she's worried. She knows me well enough that she's been keeping her distance.

I can't sleep. Everytime I lay down I re-play the test over and over in my mind. I'm wondering how I'm going to go to class Monday and not break down and cry when I see my classmates.

I'm going to try valium now. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep.

[steamboatin]

I fell about the same way only mine is about poker. Just when I think I'm getting it, it goes to hell in a handbasket.

[daryn]

i kinda felt this way about college. [censored] grades, i just wanted to show up and learn.

eventually i graduated.

[Toro]

[ QUOTE ]
I love martial arts. I love training and working up a lather. I love learning a new technique, that "lightbulb" moment when you "get it" and perform it just like you were taught.

I hate testing. Right now I just want to learn more karate and never bother with testing again. Brown belt, Black belt. Who cares? I'll show up for class, learn karate, and that'll be that.

[/ QUOTE ]

The above two paragraphs are your answer. By your own admission, you are not athletic, so why worry about the silly belts. You're doing something you love, that's good for your health. That should be plenty.

[Lawrence Ng]

Zulu,

I use to practice Wushu and WingChun for a good number of years. I competed in tournaments and did fairly well. I was talented and had the reflexes of a cat with the focus of a master card player. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

But let me tell you something, I didn't win tournaments because I was naturally good. I won because I failed a lot and I learned a great deal through failure and humiliation. That's how I improved.

My master made it clear to me that I had to respect the sport and never get it over my head that I was too good even if I gave it 100 percent. I could always do better and there was always something to learn and improve.

The same can been applied to poker I suppose. I was always good at math, I have good instincts, and have a prowess to gamble it up a bit. But my greatest lessons learned in poker were done the hard way - failing. Learning to survive the bad beats, suckouts, not going on tilt, not blaming something else was something that was extremely hard to achieve for me as a young competitor but over time I learned to control and dominate it and it's only improved my game.

You will learn from this or you will continue to fail the same way. Take some time off martial arts if it is effecting you mentally and get back into it when you are ready to realize you can improve.

[Leo Bello]

Mi wife makes Tae-Kwon-do, I do judo. In Tae-kwon-do there is something I never fully understood until some months ago that is different from judo.
When someone goes to a higher belt. (Red is the equivalent to Brown in Karate) After they apssed the test they have to make a combat against two or three black belts.
the problem is these fights are in sequence and the black belts really hit hard on the red guy. And I mean hard.
I said to my wife, no way you gonna go torugh this. They are cowards hitting the ones that know less than themselves.
she said to me, the red ones must be hit. they must know that no matter how good they are, they still must train hard, and there will still be someone that can beat them.

They have to drop the ball a little. and see that they need to learn everyday, even trough the hard way.

Anyway, failing in the test, is not like you have seen it. It is just a reminder that you are good, but you still need to keep going.

All these thoughts that go trough your mind must go trough the mind of this Red belt guy in Tae-kwon-do. Am I good enough?

Go ahead, you can be as good as it gets. Maybe better.

[Mayhap]

Wow, you live in a great town, that sleepy ol Lafayette.

Have you experienced many failures in life?
If I had to guess, I would say you are accustomed to success.
Anyway, you have this particular failure way out of perspecitive. In the I Ching it recommends 'understanding the transitory in the light of eternity'. Look at it as a gift. Contemplate the situation from a few different points of view before you reach for 'mother's little helper'. Your own mind makes the best medicine.
HTH,
/M

[zuluking]

Leo,

My test was pretty much the same. Running through all the techniques and katas, then some self-defense flow drills. Then I had to grapple 3 different black belts for 3 2-minute rounds.

I vomited during the third round. Nothing came up of course, I just dry-heaved for about 2 minutes. But I refused to quit, and donned my gear for sparring.

My tank was on empty, but I still had 3 2-minute rounds against 3 different black belts. The first round I was on my bicycle, trying to regain some strength, some energy. I had a 1 minute break, and round 2 pitted me against one of the sensei's, a 2nd dan. He pummeled me, but I didn't go down. As a matter of fact, I got quite a few licks in. I was MAD at that point, and nobody was going to knock me down.

Until round 3 that is. In the last 30 seconds or so, I got hit full force with a back-leg roundhouse kick to the side of the head. My next thought was standing against the wall with 4 or 5 people asking if I was alright. Sparring was over.

My tank was beyond empty, I was on vapor, but I still had to run a mile in less than 10 minutes. Easy enough on any given day I can run a mile in my sleep. But I was beyond exhaustion. I ran it in 9:38, and dry heaved for 5 minutes afterwards.

Then I stood in front of Shihan and heard the bad news. Tears streamed down my face, I bowed, grabbed my gear, and sobbed all the way home.

But I will not quit. I will test again next month, and the next, and the next if neccessary.

[Cry Me A River]

[ QUOTE ]

I'm mad as hell. The test wasn't fair. My Sensai didn't train me correctly. I'm old, fat, un-athletic, and have no business practicing karate. All of these thoughts are running through my head.


[/ QUOTE ]

Who decided it was time for you to test?

If your Sensai told you, "it's time" then you have a legitimate beef with him.

If you decided you were ready, perhaps the whole point was to humble you (would your Sensei tell you when it's time and you jumped the gun?)

If it's a predetermined schedule, then how is this schedule formulated? If it's drawn up with an average 18 year old in mind and you're 40 year old reformed couch potato then that schedule is not going to be very realistic for you so don't be so hard on yourself.

[Leo Bello]

Anyway, reading you it seemed very hard.
Better luck next time. You will succeed.

[bernie]

_

[TheCat]

You Americans far too competative. I can't beleive you so devestated by a faliure. When you fail you learn, when you succeseed you don't.
Did you seriously expect to coast through the whole of your life without ever failing at anything.
Get a grip. Do you test again when you ready for it. Don't worry too much if you fail again, just be persistent.

[stir]

Some of my thoughts run similar. It seems to me zuluking assumes that everything the Shihan said is gospel.

I suggest that you may have taken the test too soon/that the Shihan is actually "too much" of a perfectionist /even that the Shihan may have some hidden animosity toward you that he manifested by failing you. Any of the above or none of the above may be the reality.

Irregardless, forget it and move on. You are highly motivated, love the sport; therefore passing or failing the test should be down your list of priorities.

[playerfl]

It sounds like you are mainly doing it for the belts. I don't think the real benefit of martial arts is earning belts, unless you were planning on being an instructor. The day after you earn the belt you don't know anything you didn't know the day before, and it certainly doesn't mean you can fight better. Basically it is a status symbol among that tiny social circle and thats about it. Get in better shape and start kicking everyones butt at full pads sparring and you will feel a lot better.

[lowroller]

Please don't view this "failure" as permanent. It is only a temporary setback, that should be used as a learning experience/stepping stone to greater things.